AAARRRHHHGGG

Heb je ook wel ‘ns zó erbarmelijk veel te doen dat je gewoon maar niks doet? Dat je heel appelig naar je beeldscherm zit te staren in een grote, weidse oase van brainfart en dat je gewoon even leeg bent? Dat je to do-lijstje zo teringlang is dat je simpelweg niet weet waar je moet beginnen, en dus ook maar niet begint? En dat je dan iets mega futiels gaat doen als je neus uitbaggeren of je bestek poetsen?

Ik heb dat vaker dan me lief is. De afgelopen tijd ook weer veelvuldig. Maar, helaas: op een gegeven moment hit the shit onvermijdelijk the fan. Dan móet je uit je ‘IK WEET HET ALLEMAAL EVEN NIET MEEEEER’ -bubbel en aan de slag als een dolle stier. Je komt tot de conclusie dat je toch al zo verdrietige takenpakket enkel nog maar in omvang is toegenomen en dat dit waarschijnlijk van z’n levensdagen niet meer goed komt. Nóóit meer.

Om de schade te beperken en jezelf te behoeden voor een gigantische afgang giet je een sloot koffie in je nek en ga je los. Al achterstevoren de horlepiep dansend schrijf je zes artikelen, jas je er 23 onbeantwoorde mails doorheen, sla je waanzinnig spijkers met koppen, bel je je zieke tante, stuur je kaartjes voor verjaardagen van drie weken terug (‘kut PostNL altijd, echt waar, echt niet leuk, ik had ‘m écht op tijd op de bus gedaan, verdorie’), maak je afspraken, doet dingen, verslaat Voldemort en verbaast jezelf over in wat voor flow je opeens zit. Waar komt die doortastendheid ineens vandaan jongehee? Je herkent jezelf gewoon niet, zo doortastend. Bijna eng gewoon.

En dan neem je je voor om het niet meer zover te laten komen. Vaker nee te zeggen zodat je het niet meer zo druk krijg. En dingen gewoon direct te doen, en niet voor je uit te schuiven. Want dit nooit meer, hoor je me! Dit nooit meer!

En dan lach je even heel hard om jezelf, want je weet natuurlijk wel beter. Stuk verdriet dat je d’r bent. ’t Scheelt dat je goed presteert onder druk, anders was je helemáál waardeloos.

Of ben ik de enige?

Foto: Photosnapper

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